i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize