The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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