he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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