What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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