I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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