when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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