You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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