I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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