i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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