you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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