I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i will never coherently bang her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're too hungover to prance.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize