you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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