If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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