The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We are all done wearing pants today
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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