Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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