you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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