Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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