I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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