and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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