Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize