he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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