Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize