someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize