im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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