OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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