I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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