wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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