hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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