I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize