She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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