i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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