An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
someone owes me an orgasm
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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