Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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