Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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