I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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