i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize