yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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