GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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