to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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