The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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