you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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