So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize