sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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