I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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