Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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