I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just threw up on my dentist
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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