so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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