Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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