K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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