and my herpes radar will keep us safe
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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